When I closed the VXX trade at the ask at the knife down this morning at open, I went out on the bridge wing to look at the clear blue water of the Bahamas and revel in my own success. I felt a fart creeping and I forced it out, attempting to make a sound worthy of a ship's horn. But the gods saw my hubris and cast dispersions onto my anus hole, and I felt the warm trickling of diarrhea spread down my legs. I was humbled not by the markets but by my own humanity.

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