"Cock doesn't taste of curry - full marks." "Failure to get an erection - no marks." "Willingness to perform cunnilingus when forced on them - full marks." "Overall rating - C. Mostly meets expected standards, but improvement required in several areas to be considered fully competent."

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To the mods, just so ya know it’s kinda impossible to discuss the markets without being P O L I T I C A L. I mean they just move based off whatever the hell mongo man says…

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Nana would probably suck off Ryan C. Can't stop, won't stop.

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Farewell to J-Pow, the ultimate "Money Printer Go Brrr" legend. As you pack up your printer and head for the exit on May 15, the entire sub salutes you for your service in making our portfolios look like a Jackson Pollock painting—mostly red with occasional splashes of "soft landing" delusion. We’ll never forget the way you’d walk to the podium, whisper the word "transitory," and immediately send the VIX to the moon while our 0DTE calls evaporated into the ether. You were the only man brave enough to hike rates while the economy was screaming in the backseat, all while maintaining that "poker face of doom" that could make a grown bull cry. May your retirement be filled with infinite liquidity and zero "sticky" inflation. We hope you find a hobby that doesn’t involve incinerating our life savings, though we suspect you’ll just be at the casino, staring at the roulette wheel and waiting for the data to become "sufficiently restrictive" before you place a bet. You were the hero we deserved, but definitely not the one our bank accounts needed. Godspeed, you magnificent hawk; we’ll see you in the breadline. Bull r fuk.

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:C I'm afraid I'll have to pass this one out

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J pow was only making 191k a year? Obviously nothing to scoff at but that for the head of the reserve? Holy underpaid

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Same T&C as the pre-orders for the 🥭phones?

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AMD is just shoving a big green c*ck down a gay bears throat while NVDA the top player in the space is floundering for no good reason. Idk who the gay bear is 🥹 Puts on SPY and AMD expiring end of next week. Calls on oil.

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Alphabet C Greeb

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Next tweet “I am happy to announce the wonderful (whomever) of the EU has agreed to build in America blah blah blah. (Insert words that trigger buy algos here). Donld J Pump” Then a fucking rocket.  Otherwise we bleed for the rest of the day. (Done on a 5-15m EMA for spx obvi) 

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